When Barry Miskin first became pregnant, she noticed a change in her appearance. Black spots bloomed on her skin like watercolor ink. She had a “bush” of hair growing on her upper lip and chin.
The outside world was also changing. In her Astoria, Queens neighborhood, a bright light cast a halo around objects, blurring her vision. Mr. Miskin, 46, said his colleagues and even his doctors began to look like their “alien agents.”
“I felt like I was looking at the world through dirty glass,” she added. But Mr. Mysskin knew it was all an illusion, so he asked for help.
It took Miskin more than a year of consulting with mental health professionals before she finally found an explanation for her symptoms. Mr. Miskin was diagnosed with a dissociative disorder called depersonalization/derealization disorder (DDD). Before getting pregnant, Miskin had stopped taking antidepressants. . Her new psychiatrist said the symptoms may have been caused by her continued untreated depression for many months afterwards.
Mr. Mysskin felt alone amidst his mysterious illness, but that wasn't the case. Tens of thousands of posts on social media refer to feelings of depersonalization and loss of reality, describing the condition as “living in a movie or dream'' or “observing the world through a fog.'' Some people liken it to
People who experience depersonalization may feel disconnected from their mind and body. Derealization, on the other hand, refers to feeling disconnected from the environment, as if the people and things in the world are unreal.
Elena Bezubova, a psychoanalyst who specializes in treating the condition, said people living with DDD are “acutely aware” that something is wrong. It's like looking at an apple and knowing it's real, but finding it too weird to be real, she added.
The disorder is thought to occur in about 1 to 2 percent of the population, but anyone can experience temporary symptoms.
Not only do mental health providers lack knowledge about DDD, but its symptoms overlap with symptoms such as depression, anxiety, and panic disorder, making it difficult for mental health providers to dismiss DDD as a unique diagnosis. there is.
It has become more widely recognized and discussed as new research is published. The second edition of the 2006 introductory book Feeling Unreal was published in 2023. And Ms. Miskin published a memoir titled “Hell Gate Bridge” last June. In the same month, the novel “Please Stop Trying to Leave Me” was published, featuring a main character with DDD. Author Alana Saab is no stranger to this disorder. She had been diagnosed several years ago.
“It's what I imagine when I think of a drug trip,” she said of her experience with the disorder. “But it's 2 p.m. and I'm completely sober.”
The Cambridge Depersonalization Scale is widely considered to be the most reliable measure of this disorder. Patients are asked to rate how often and for how long 29 different experiences occur. Examples include feeling like one is a “robot,” losing physical sensations such as hunger or thirst, and seeing the world as picturesque, “flat” or “lifeless.”
People with DDD may feel disconnected from themselves and their environment for months or even years at a time. Less commonly, people may also experience hearing distortion, such as muffled or loud sounds.
DDD is often associated with a history of emotional abuse or neglect. The symptoms can be caused by anxiety, depression, the resurfacing of early trauma, major stressors in life, and psychedelics such as cannabis and LSD, said the disorder expert, Feeling Unreal. said Dr. Daphne Simeon, co-author of the study.
For some people, there may be multiple triggers, especially if they have underlying dissociative tendencies.
“I can meet people whose first attack was caused by panic, then another attack when they were depressed, and then a third attack when they went through a bad divorce,” Dr. Simeon said.
Researchers hypothesize that depersonalization and derealization may be part of the mind's defense system.
“Your body and mind are telling you things,” Dr. Simeon added. “Essentially, you have an excruciating experience and you have to walk away from it.”
Dr. Simeon's co-author, Jeffrey Abugel, worked with DDD for over a decade before finally receiving a diagnosis. He knows exactly where it came from. “Pot, plain and simple,” he said. He added that the drugs had pushed him “over the edge” and caused “massive panic attacks.”
Abugel, a health and wellness coach, eventually found help. He currently offers personal consultations and virtual support groups for people with disabilities.
Mr. Miskin's symptoms improved with a combination of psychotherapy and drug therapy. She restarted her antidepressants and also started taking lamotrigine, or Lamictal, a drug best known for treating seizures and bipolar disorder.
Recovery was a painful process.
“All I want to do is lie in bed, pull the covers over my head and never come out, but I have to relearn how to live in this world,” she says.
