For over 10 years, my partner and I lived abroad. We have now returned home to be closer to family. We chose a small city near some relatives. My partner has found a job, but there are fewer options here for me. There are exciting vistas in a larger city two and a half hours away. I plan to go to the office once a week. My brother, his wife and two young children live there. they have a big house. A while ago, I talked to them about staying at their house once a month if I got a job. They were enthusiastic about this and I was excited to spend time with them. But just recently they said they don't want me or anyone else as regular guests. I don't think anything has changed in our relationship. You feel hurt and rejected. What should I do?
younger sister
When we really want something, like a job or a place to stay, it's easy to lose perspective. But just because you need a bed doesn't mean your brother or sister-in-law is obligated to let you sleep once a month. (It also raises the question of where you plan to stay during your remaining three-week visit each month.)
Your disappointment was probably compounded by your brother and sister-in-law's change of heart. But they had the right to think through your request and discuss it privately. Raising two young children, running a home, and working at the same time seems like a lot to me. Adding regular guests to their responsibilities may be too much of a burden now.
Still, I know it feels bad. But don't waste too much energy on blame. You have a housing problem to solve. Please focus on that. You may want to ask your potential employer if they have someone in their office who can rent a room once a week. But even just commuting for a few hours one day a week sounds like an exciting new job is worth it, right?
find love in gift cards
Ever since I was a kid, my aunt would send me $100 gift cards for birthdays and Christmases. It was a lot of money for me when I was younger and I was really looking forward to having extra money to buy books and music. She was wealthier than us and I appreciated her generosity. But now my spouse and I are very wealthy. No money needed. Gifts can make you feel uncomfortable, and cash gifts (like gift cards) can feel especially weird. Besides, I haven't seen my aunt in 20 years. There are no thoughtful cards or phone calls that would make her want to deepen our relationship. Is it possible to refuse her gift?
niece
Let's reframe this story. When you were young (and poor) your aunt gave you a generous gift that you are very grateful for. Perhaps she was happy to give them to you, and together you created a cycle of goodwill that lasts for years. Now you are wealthy, but gifts mean little to you. But that's no reason to break the cycle.
If your aunt does not know how to combine gifts with emotional warmth, help her. Call her to express your gratitude and ask her about her life so far. Or write yourself a note to deepen your relationship. You can do it on either side! Think of it as repaying her kindness from an early age.
Are you home during the holidays? Not if I can help it.
Since I have limited work, I'm usually itching to travel during the holidays, but my family likes to do the same thing every year. The brothers take turns accepting the whole family. Not only is it boring, it's exhausting. We all have the means to travel and take time off from work. What are your thoughts?
brothers
You seem to be unnecessarily turning this issue into an all-or-nothing proposition. That means you don't have to convince any of your siblings to give up their vacation traditions in order to make your own trip. You don't have to make any permanent decisions either. Book a trip for next year and see what happens. If you like it, please book again. You can also invite siblings who share your holiday wanderlust.
Moving is difficult. Address updates are not.
Three years ago, my husband and I bought a house from a couple of mutual friends. We still regularly receive mail addressed to them, including bank statements, Christmas cards, and junk mail. Gifts and flowers were also delivered. I text them and arrange a pickup. However, they never apologized for the inconvenience or said they were trying to resolve the issue. I'm annoyed. How difficult is it to send a change of address card? What should I do?
homeowner
Three years is a long time to coordinate mail delivery to former residents. So, I'm confused. Are you afraid of getting a bad report from a mutual friend and can't say the following? Tell your bank your new address and send change of address cards to people who use our bank. ” Use your words! I think that's reasonable here. It's probably preferable to stamping the mail with “Return to sender.”
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