My wife and I are longtime friends with another couple whose political views differ from mine. I sometimes opposed my wife on some issues and she is with me, but always respectful. Before the presidential election, I told her I wasn't going to vote because I couldn't support either candidate. She responded negatively to this and told me that if we wanted to be friends, we should avoid political debates. I found her statement to be self-righteous – I should be careful not to express another political opinion, as if she could only be friends with people who agree with her. Is that an acceptable basic rule for friendship?
friend
Every day, and often every hour, I remind myself of what a divisive period this is in American life. (It's depressing – and exhausting.) And even worse, I've begun to lose faith in speaking how to get out of this mess. Most people I know seem to end up being persuaded. Certainly you must have noticed something along these lines.
So I have great sympathy for your friend. Rather than engaging in long-term, meaningless arguments or putting years of friendship at risk, she proposed boundaries to reduce her worsening in her spare time. It doesn't sound like she's pushing her opinion on you. In fact, it appears to me quite evenly – not smug at all.
Well, if her proposal cares about you, you can make a pitch for ongoing political debate. But frankly, I know that if last year there was no motivation to vote for it by a completely different view that the candidate supports, one of them is bound to win. Find another topic! Your friend is trying to protect her tranquility and your friendship. I respect her for that.
Feeling left behind from the photo
My husband and I have been married for 15 years. I have a teenage daughter. Sadly, his parents passed away long before we met. His sister hangs a photo of a large family from above the mantle from 30 years ago. It includes my husband's ex-wife and another sibling's ex-brother, but not me or my daughter. When I told my husband the huge photo, he said their parents were in it, so his sister hangs it there. But why can't she find another photo? Is it fair that I'm upset?
wife
My father passed away when I was young, my mother died when I was old, and the losses have deeply affected me to this day. (Maybe your parents are still alive?) I have a hard time understanding your perspective: You seem to insist that your pain must occasionally look at photos that include your husband's ex-wife. Remove this issue. It makes you look deaf.
The gifts are thoughtful, but so were the pairings
I'm a huge wine nerd! I always have lots of things on hand and love to host dinner parties where I can cook for my friends and share wine. Problem: Some people offer to bring wine with them, but I have already picked out the special bottles I want to serve. I feel it is rude to reject their offer and also not to serve the wine they brought. advice?
Tim
Great question – and what I receive frequently: Have good manners that require you to provide the wine your guests bring. I say no. Their wine is just a host gift. Thank you for your hospitality. It is rude to reject the offer in advance and there is no need to redirect them. It's not a potluck. Let them bring something they like.
My suggestion: Thanks for the wine, add it to your collection and proceed with the evening as planned. When you are offering the wine you were going to serve, “I'm excited to try this, but can you open the bottle you brought if you wish?” In my life, no one has ever taken me to this offer.
(Potentially) Cases of false identity
My child received an invitation to a classmate's birthday party. I mentioned it to a friend who has kids in class, but she knew nothing about it. When I checked my E-Vite list, everyone in my class was invited, except for my friend's son. And a boy from another class of people with a rare name like him was invited. I think this was a mistake. Can I ask the host if I can take my friend's child with me?
mother
Usually I'm away from other people's guest lists. My business is not there! But I agree that this was probably an error – and if you can help save the boy's feelings, why? Call the host and said, “I spoke to Bartleby's mother in class and she hadn't received an invitation to your party. This gives the host an opportunity to fix things, and you can leave them.
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