Our only friend went off without us for the weekend. We are hurting!

My husband and I recently moved from a big city to his hometown. Our only friends here are two best friends from childhood and their lovers, who have remained close for the past 10 years since he moved out. This weekend, we saw both couples post photos on Instagram of a fun weekend getaway the four of them took together. My husband was very hurt that he wasn't invited, and I was also angry. We are celebrating the birthday of one of them next weekend, so I wanted to let them know that I would have loved to go on a weekend trip with them. My husband thinks it would be dull. What do you think?

wife

I wish there was another word for selfishness. I wish there was a word that had less negative connotations and emphasized the hurt that selfishness causes. Because I think that's what energizes you and your husband here. I understand your predicament. You and your husband are feeling fragile and alone after moving to a new town where you know few people. I think there are many people who have done similar things who can understand how you feel.

At the same time, you need to understand that two of your husband's friends do not need to handcuff you 24/7. They make plans with each other and with other people, but those plans don't include you. It's no surprise that in the 10 years your husband was gone, they and their significant other developed a relationship that had nothing to do with him (or you). So, while your hurt feelings are understandable, you are not being wronged here.

I think the solution to this problem is not to appease your friends and narrow your own life, but to expand your own. Unfortunately, this project will take time. But if you explore your natural interests, like sports, art, or adult education classes, you'll eventually meet new like-minded people and become less dependent on your husband's childhood friends. I don't tell them anything about weekend trips.

forgive me! (Ideally, now and on my terms.)

Every Christmas, I ask my 10- and 12-year-olds to create a memory album using the photos they took that year. This year, I accidentally left my mom out of the album. All the other grandparents are there too. That was an honest mistake. My mother, who is prone to jealousy, called me upset that she had been excluded. I immediately apologized, but I got furious because she kept crying! I couldn't make this right and she only made me feel even worse. I called her “mean” and “pathetic” and she hung up. She is now giving me the silent treatment. Should I just shut up and call her out on her immature behavior?

daughter

I don't want to underestimate the stress that parents of young children experience during the holidays. And I don't know anything about your relationship with your mother. But if your apology devolves into a lot of name-calling because the person you're apologizing to starts crying, something is wrong. Here your anger is closer to the surface.

I do not agree that this problem cannot be solved. Revise your memory album by adding a few photos of your mother. And when you feel in control enough to have a private conversation with her, even if she starts crying again, then call her to apologize for the insult and ask her about your new album. I think you should tell.

This is our registry: Welcome!

My partner and I are both in our early 30s. We have been dating for 10 years but not married. We own a house together and will live in a modest villa by the lake. I would like to make a list of small things that can be used at the cottage when hosting a party to warm up the camp. Our friends and family don't celebrate us in traditional ways like we celebrated many weddings and housewarmings. It might be fun for them! However, my partner thinks it's uncouth to ask people to help furnish a second home during tough times. advice?

partner

As I'm sure you know, no one loses sleep over not giving a present. You haven't explicitly asked your friend to reciprocate past gifts. You said it would be fun for them, but I think that's disingenuous. If the housewarming party you're planning at your cottage includes a nice dinner (and maybe a dance floor), double-check the gift registry if you need to. But I tend to agree with your partner. Appreciate your good fortune and let your guests celebrate you however they like.

Please accept my sincere condolences (name here)

My husband recently passed away. I was amazed at how quickly my nieces and nephews responded with their condolences. When I re-read my notes later, I realized that many of them used the same flowery phrases and structures. I suspect they used the AI ​​to express sympathy, but that seems disingenuous to me. What do you think?

aunt

I am a writer. That's why I sweat condolence letters and most other letters. But that doesn't mean I feel the loss more deeply than those who send greeting cards, texts, and notes written with the help of AI. Not everyone can write well. When we can, we take advantage of the opportunity to be kind, even if it's not in the way we like.

If you need help with an awkward situation, send your question to SocialQ@nytimes.com, Philip Galanes on Facebook, or @SocialQPhilip on X.