In her first session with a new therapist in San Diego, Elise, 37, felt that she was off quickly. Not because of what the therapist said, but because of the fact that she was riding a stationary bike during the conversation.
Maria Danna, 35, was wary when a Portland, Oregon therapist “shaking a Malaca violently in my face” and “picking up the energy she was handing out during the session.”
And when Carson sought help from an Ohio psychiatrist for severe postnatal depression and anxiety, doctors sent thousands of her text messages, eventually revealing his sexual feelings towards her. When I did that, I felt a problem.
Therapy is transformative for many people, whether they have a mental illness or not. But what do you do if your therapist is professional, inappropriate, or even abusive?
Last year, the New York Times asked readers if they had had any bad experiences with therapists and received over 2,700 responses.
Among them were examples of ethical violations, unprofessional behavior, and simply strange interactions. (Some readers who shared their stories were asked to be referred to only by name to protect their privacy.)
It is difficult to know how often these types of incidents occur. There are no federal agencies that regulate psychotherapy. Also, the state licensing board is supposed to hold therapists accountable, but the process is flawed and there is a high bar for disciplinary action.
“I was explaining that I felt I couldn't see in my family,” wrote Melissa Petty, 71, of the incident that took place in Dallas more than a decade ago. “I looked up and the therapist was asleep! I quickly found a new therapist.”
“We've been working hard to get into the world,” said Eric Jones, a therapist in Santa Ana, California. It protects bad things from licenses, but that's not a perfect system. I have fired or reported some of my self for a problematic behavior. ”
In Dr. Jones' experience, a good therapist far outweighs the bad things, but he and other experts urge patients to trust their gut if something is off.
Dr. Jonathan E. Alpert, chairman of Montefiore Einstein's School of Psychiatry in New York, says that therapist “North Star” should be the health and continuous growth of a patient or client. If not, I added, “something is wrong.”
If the therapist gets too close
Therapist is supposed to maintain physical and emotional boundaries with his clients. Violating these boundaries may appear to cause intimate personal information to be disclosed regularly. Touching clients inappropriately. Flirting; offering gifts; or trying to establish social relationships outside the office.
If therapists are flouting the boundaries of professionals and don't know what to do, one place to find support is a peer support network that helps people who are hurt or worried by the therapist, or This is a Therapy Exploitation Link Line. The actions of their therapists.
Deborah A. Lott Volunteer offers guidance she would have appreciated in the 80s. At the time, she was 28 years old and had sex with a therapist. She said she provided both wine and cannabis. He asked her to come back for treatment. She did temporarily, before finally cutting off contacts.
“When you're emotionally dependent, it's very difficult to get out, even if you know things aren't going right,” Lott said. “This person has all the secrets. You've invested time, money, energy, and they're telling you that's your problem. There's a lot of gaslights going on.”
What she knows now is that ethical therapists will never have a sexual or emotional relationship with a patient.
“Patients can plead for sex naked,” said Jan Walberg, founder of Tell.
When a therapist abandons his professionalism
Many readers who wrote to the described therapists who were chronically late, had eaten during sessions, had failed to inform their prices, missed reservations, or ghosts. And more than 130 people said therapists fell asleep during treatment.
“I was explaining that I felt I couldn't see in my family,” wrote Melissa Petty, 71, of the incident that took place in Dallas more than a decade ago. “I looked up and the therapist was asleep! I quickly found a new therapist.”
Some readers shared stories about therapists who provided unnecessary services and trendy treatments that they thought were not qualified to offer.
Erin, 30, who lives in New York City, said she was surprised when the therapist instructed her to look at the light darts across the narrow tube.
This is a type of stimulation used during eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy, or EMDR, is a treatment that aims to alleviate the pain surrounding traumatic memory.
But Erin was undergoing treatment for pandemic-related anxiety, not trauma.
The therapist asked repeatedly, “Is it working?” Erin remembered everything while the zoom connection continued to be cut off. “It was a wild and wild experience.”
When the therapist can't worry
Leah Odette, 44, lives in Long Beach, California, visited a new therapist to help with her anxiety, and was unexpectedly greeted by her dog. Pets may be welcome for some clients, but Odette isn't.
She explained to the therapist that she was deeply afraid of dogs, but Odette said her concerns would be dismissed soon. “I pretended to be calm and reached for the cutest one, but it snapped to me,” she said. “The therapist blamed my anxiety about the dog's reaction.”
Other readers said there was nothing useful about the experiences the therapists seemed to have heard of at all or shared.
“In my last session, the therapist was literally staring at the window, but he didn't make eye contact with the entire session,” said Emily, 34, who lives in Pittsburgh. “The relationship ended that night by email.”
When you are disappointed with your therapist
If something troublesome happens, or if your therapist is simply not appropriate, it is important to find a new person – staying in a situation that is neither healthy nor productive will benefit you, says a clinical psychologist Jessica M. Smedley said in Washington, DC.
And if you feel that ethical boundaries are intersecting, the therapist can report to the Licensing Committee.
But there are some situations that may not be that black and white. You usually feel safe and supported by the therapist, but there is one thing that persists with you. She once fell asleep in a session. In that case, you may want to talk about your concerns.
Next, pay attention to how he or she reacts.
“A therapist who responds defensively to it, or therapist who can't incorporate that feedback and change, is a therapist that someone should not continue to work with,” Dr. Alpert said.
