This is a pop quiz for married couples.
Do you know your spouse's salary? What's the balance between your partner's 401(k) and your credit card? Bonus points if your husband or wife can think of you as having to live comfortably at retirement, or even at the age where he or she wants it to happen.
If you're like most married people, you'll ensure this test. A study published last year by financial services firms Fidelity and Ameriprise found that almost nine out of 10 couples communicate well with their partners, with 94% saying half of them are open and transparent about finances.
in fact? Not that much.
Fidelity Survey found that more than a third of couples were unable to correctly identify their partner's salary within at least $25,000 of their actual salary. More than half opposed much about what it takes to save for retirement. Research shows similar disconnects among many couples when it comes to debt, net worth, savings and lifestyle goals.
According to a 2025 Bankrate survey, it does not count the complete secret that about four married couples allow them to maintain about money. Leading your indiscreet list: Spending more than your partner is OK, then you can hide your debt, credit card or savings account afterwards.
“Around 50% of couples I talk to are not a combination of their household income, and 90% of people in debt don't know how much they owe,” said Ramit Seti, author of the book “Money for Couples” and host of a podcast of the same name. “But beyond facts and numbers, the most important thing that couples don't know about their partner is that their vision is from a rich life.
Ignorance is not bliss
Lack of knowledge about important aspects of a spouse's finances could hinder planning for retirement and other goals, such as purchasing a home or paying for a child's college education, the advisor said. After all, it's hard to get to your destination if you don't know which road you're actually on.
“If there's no clearer information or resources to work with, you're likely to make suboptimal financial decisions, and partner habits and actions may not always align with your goals,” said Douglas Bonnepulse, a newsletter with New York City financial planner Heather, known as the “Joint Account.”
Relationships can also suffer. “Not being on the same page about money can lead to anxiety, blame and responsibilities,” Bonepulse said.
Research supports its potentially negative effects on the well-being of couples. For example, research shows that couples who do not communicate well about money or cannot make financial decisions together tend to be more frustrated with their relationship than those who do so. A 2021 study by the National Fund for Financial Education found that among people who kept secret about money from their partners, the deception caused 42% of discussion and there was little confidence in the relationships of about a third.
Not knowing how a partner manages family money can prove that it is particularly problematic when a couple splits or their spouse dies. This is an issue that often hits harder for women who are likely to leave male partners with investment and retirement plans. A UBS survey of women found that after the death of their spouse or the end of their marriage, three-quarters of widows and divorced people encountered “negative financial surprises” and “negative financial surprises” with less savings than expected.
“It can be very scary to find that you have to worry about whether you can retire when you are already emotionally saddened, as you didn't have an exact picture of how your partner handles money.” “It just becomes a difficult situation.”
Truth and consequences
If lack of communication and transparency about money is so painful, why do so many spouses protect each other in financial darkness?
One common perpetrator is a couple's system for managing family finances. For example, almost half of Fidelity Survey couples said they have not made a joint economic decision. Other studies show that in many relationships one partner can assume the role of Chief Financial Officer, lead investment decisions and financial planning, and drive other spouses out of the loop.
“We are pleased to announce that Ryan Victorin, vice president and financial consultant at the Fidelity Investors Center in Framingham, Massachusetts,” said: “I am very interested in one spouse tracking investments and progress on spreadsheets.
Research from the Journal of the Association for Consumer Research confirms that partners who are more confident about their finances tend to drive decision-making. Scott Rick, an associate professor of marketing at the University of Michigan business school and research co-author, said: “In fact, partners have much closer financial knowledge than they think.”
It also contributes to a lack of communication and transparency: a desire to maintain peace. According to the National Fund for Financial Education, more than six in 10 people who admitted to lying to their partners about money said the fear of disapproval was the motivational factor.
“They may feel embarrassed or embarrassed, or they may not want to have a conversation because they think their spouse will make their decision,” said Marguerita Cheng, financial planner in Gaithersburg, Maryland.
Predicting conflicts can be as relevant as each partner's previous experience. For example, if your parents discuss a lot about their family finances, or if your ex-partner is constantly criticizing spending habits like they do now.
“When we are talking to our partners about money, we are talking to the ghosts of their past relationships,” Seti said. “We have one assumption: our partner comes along with another partner, the other equals 1,000.”
What to do: Become a team
Advisors recommend that couples meet regularly to talk about their finances. However, giving a cute name and adding food and wine by itself does not lead to more open communication.
“Just honey, go out for dinner and bust this spreadsheet over appetizers,” Bonepulse said.
What does this do?
Start with goals rather than numbers. Your advisor will recommend you put monthly or quarterly meetings on your calendar to talk about your finances. The first sit-in focuses on aspirations rather than the core details of how much you're saving and spending.
“The goal of that first meeting is to feel better about talking about money,” Seti said.
Prompts help guide conversations about shared goals and what your partner is most concerned about. For example, Seti's book includes activity sheets that help couples define a rich life and create a 10-year bucket list. Chen exchanges the list after spouses have their number one financial priorities individually written down. Boneparth is a fan of couples money quiz on the pair app.
A study published last year in the Journal of Consumer Psychology shows that it's important to come to a meeting with the idea that it will help you understand this money together. The authors stated that “seeing conflicts as resolved rather than permanent” reduces anxiety and increases the likelihood that partners are openly speaking about their finances.
Set for success. Once you've moved on to sharing facts and numbers, start with the basics. “At the very least, both partners need to know what financial accounts they have, how many financial accounts they have, and how many financial accounts they will access,” Victorin said. “They also need a high level of understanding of their financial situation. Whether they are generally on track with savings and spending.”
Using a joint account to pay daily expenses and save non-retirement goals, such as building emergency funds, will make sharing these details easier, experts say. They also force partners to be more transparent about their spending.
“When couples use joint accounts, there is less chance of hiding troublesome purchases and spending habits,” said Dr. Rick, who studied the impact of bank account structures on romantic relationships. “Co-op accounts also help partners think of them as a team.”
The money management app is another tool that couples can use to share information about spending, savings and investments. These advisors recommend: Honey Dew is a free app specifically designed for couples. Monarch Money ($14.99 per month, $99.99 if paid annually); Copilot ($13 per month, $95 per year, not available on Android devices).
However, you may not need to share details of all your transaction. Dr. Rick also recommended that each spouse maintain a small, no-question bank account for personal use.
“We don't need enough transparency to be as complete as we need translucency,” he said. “Everyone has a right to a little privacy.”
Show your spouse the grace. Avoid responsibility to help ease tensions when reviewing your finances together.
Shouldn't you respond with “You did this” or “What did you use?” Because it's just closing the conversation,” Evans said. “Instead, talk about what bothers you or excites, how money is affecting you, and why.
It is important to see the perspective of your partner and share your own perspective. “Couples often get caught up in conversations about money focused on the right,” Chen said. “The key is to get to where they're doing the right thing – together.”
