Few customers are more grateful than Conor Proft eaters alone.
The bartender at Faust, an Italian restaurant in Prospect Heights, Brooklyn, said the solo diners he serves tend to be more aggressive and willing to chat. They are self-aware and are more tuned to the restaurant rhythm.
But does the professor eat alone? Rarely.
“I love the romantic ideal of going to a restaurant, sitting at the bar and hitting conversations with the bartender,” he said. “But in many cases, I'm just feeling anxious,” he stands out.
This is part of the solo dining paradox. Despite Americans spending more time on their own, many feel that they are eating out on their own due to their awkwardness and judgment. And many restaurateurs who already run their businesses with thin profit margins are worried that the tables will cost them.
According to Resy, solo dining reservations in the US have increased by 64% since 2019, according to Opentable data and 21% from 2022 to 2023. Considering that many people simply enter, the increase in food alone is probably even greater.
Opentable CEO Debby Soo said this trend could be partly due to rising after business trips when solo travelers need to chew or attract attention given to self-care.
However, more solo dining doesn't mean better accommodation or stigma, according to diners and restaurateurs interviewed by The New York Times. They have strong feelings about this topic. After we asked them to share their thoughts, over 2,000 readers responded 24 hours later.
Several diners described experiences of entering restaurants hoping to handle relaxed meals and feeling guilty for taking up space and fearing being judged by everyone around them.
“When you walk alone, the facial expressions of the hosts and hostess change,” says Los Angeles lawyer Radica Shah, who frequently dined alone, as he wanted to move frequently for work and explore local food. “It's sometimes a panic look, like, 'What are you going to do with this person?' Or sometimes it's a look of sympathy. ”
Shah, 51, said she was often led to the worst table in the dining room, ignored by the servers and rushed out to the end of the meal. She condemned the conversion system – said that workers rely on hints, so they may be paying too much attention to fewer people than the group.
“I'm so tired of being treated like a second-rate citizen,” she said.
Even the menu can feel an exclusive feel. The small, shareable plates that dominate many menus described it as expensive and “it's difficult to eat only balanced, dense meals.”
Only photos of people eating alone can make people uncomfortable, said Jerry Hsu, a Los Angeles photographer who launched a project called “Table for One” in 2008, said he filmed a solo diner. When he first posted the photo on Tumblr without commentary, viewers accused him of ocking his subject.
“I was honored to them,” HSU said. “They seemed very pleased.”
Karen Followo, 77, the retired development director for the Omaha Symphony Orchestra, looks down on them when she sees someone alone at the table. “Conversation is an important part of eating,” she said.
Some restaurant owners want to better accommodate solo diners, but their desires are sometimes complicated by the difficult economics of business.
Kann, a Haitian restaurant in Portland, Oregon, sets aside just one reservationable seat for solo diners each night at the chef's counter.
“In any restaurant, two are the most popular table request sizes,” said Gregory Gaudette, chef and owner of Can. He gives two to one table and the restaurant says they'll lose money. “I think the margins are very tight. It's very difficult to run a restaurant in America, so these systems are just right sorted.”
At Kann, single walk-in is directed towards the three-seat bar.
For most solo diners, dining at the bar has been a default option for a long time, assuming there are available seats. More independent restaurants are beginning to book bars, but many aren't. And many do not get table reservations for less than two people.
For example, you cannot reserve one table at a time at Cote Korean Steakhouse in Miami and Manhattan, or Coqodaq, a Manhattan fried chicken restaurant. The menu is concentrated on a large east feast for groups, owner Simon Kim said.
“I really wanted to celebrate the social dining aspect. “Having a high-energy restaurant with a solo diner that isn't necessarily part of the atmosphere creates a bit of a nasty feeling.”
But he still allows one party. Coqodaq has a walk-in bar to accommodate people who want a low key experience, Kim said. (The court bar is only available in the standing room.)
The assumption that people need to be united or grouped goes beyond restaurants, said Bella DePolo, a social psychologist from Summerland, California, and the author of her 2023 book, Singles at Heart: The Power, Freedom, the Joy of Single Life that Fills the Heart.
Scientists have long looked at the negative effects of loneliness, but she said studies on how it can be a peaceful, self-respecting experience can be a more rare thing. The 2025 World Happiness Report, published last week by the Center for Welfare Research at Oxford University, suggests that lonely activities, including solomir, can lead to depression and shortening life expectancy. Dr. DePolo also pointed to the recent highly circulating article in the Atlantic Ocean, “Anti-social Century.” This links practices such as solo dining with hidden and loneliness.
Dr. DePolo finds his conclusion questionable. “The lonely people are going to stay home,” she said. “They don't intend to go out to restaurants. Those who go out themselves are confident.”
For her, this bias against lonely diners clearly feels American. She said the United States has placed a high value on nuclear families since the 1950s.
“We are a country that really makes romantic union and marriage romantic, and part of it is to blame people who are single or just doing things,” she said. She compared this to a country's attitude like Japan. There, you often see someone pounding ramen or enjoying an Omakaze solo.
According to data from the 2022 census, 46.4% of American adults are single and many couples sleep or live separately, why should it be socially acceptable to eat alone?
American restaurants that consistently welcome solo diners include casual chain restaurants such as Olive Garden and Appleby.
Eating alone in the Olive Garden has influenced the robust genre of Tiktok's videos. With over 1,500 locations in the US, Applebee's offers almost a quarter of all restaurant orders targeting a single entree. The restaurant is designed with a central bar, ensuring that customers feel comfortable rather than isolated, according to Joel Yashinsky, the company's chief marketing officer.
Several people interviewed said they found it more comfortable to eat alone in a casual restaurant than in a high-end restaurant. Others said it feels easy in a big city. This said, “If you step into a restaurant, you'll become more anonymous.”
Identity markers such as race and gender also play a role. Aaron Fountain, 33, an editor at the Museum of History and Culture, African Americans who lives in Silver Spring, Maryland, said he often receives poor treatment when eating alone, whether he is asked to pay in advance at a sit-in restaurant or ignored by a bartender. He thought it wasn't because he was black, but because he was alone.
Paula Shepherd, a fashion executive in Manhattan, said that as a woman eating alone, she was attracting unnecessary attention from men and that some people mistaken her for an escort. But she is not blocked.
“My husband and I raised two kids. My favorite activity on Sunday afternoons was mom's time,” said Shepherd, 71, who has been eating for at least 30 years, even if it's a quick meal before the show or a relaxed dinner from the family. “Get a manipedi and have a nice lunch for yourself.”
